Why am I writing Coming Up Lavender?

For the record, I didn’t write this. Phoebe Bridgers did.

On most days now, I wake up with my heart pounding a million beats against my ribcage because of the uncertain future. My thoughts are largely intrusive. I’m scared I’m going to develop hypertension at twenty-two.

I write because the only way I feel in control of my brain is through the deliberate act of putting pen to paper (or finger to keyboard). I’m taking back what’s mine — my thoughts, from whatever chemicals force it down a path of self-sabotage.

Lavender is a flowering plant in the mint family. Green tea and lavender is the smell of my mother’s perfume. When she can’t sleep, which is most nights, she’ll put drops of lavender oil under her pillow.

My life is not coming up roses and I don’t ever expect it to. Prosperity is too much to ask for. I want stillness of mind and body and soul or whatever the fuck. I write to find peace.

Why subscribe?

Subscribe to get full access to the newsletter and website. Never miss an update.

Stay up-to-date

You won’t have to worry about missing anything. Every new edition of the newsletter goes directly to your inbox.

Join the crew

Be part of a community of people who share your interests.

To find out more about the company that provides the tech for this newsletter, visit Substack.com.

Subscribe to coming up lavender

one day i woke up and realized i didn't want happiness but peace / currently 23

People

an over-thinker writing to make sense of her heart